Pretensions and Heartbreak
by fierysuzaku
Summary: He was never good with the concept of love, let alone his first love. Moving on was never an easy process...ALL59 sort of...


He was your first love and heart break.

If you're foolish and naïve enough, you could probably claim it as somewhere along the lines of love at first sight. But you're not so you contend yourself to mere theories of evolutions. You often wonder of the how, the complicated and slow process of evolution about one's feelings. From simple admiration to experiencing things beyond them, falling in love was never your strong point.

In fact, the topic of love was _never_ your strong point considering the long list of unnamed one night stands buzzing at the back of your memory.

Brief musings and simple catches of imagination, a luxury you had decided to allow yourself. Somewhere along the way, you found yourself venturing uncontrollably towards the painful path of love unrequited.

"How do I look?"

A tired sigh escaped you, as you turn towards him, assuring him for the umpteenth time that he looks fine.

_Armani never looked better._

"Sorry, just nervous. I mean, getting married. Who knew?" he laughed in a nervous tone that made you want to shake him till he calms down and finally put your breaking heart to rest.

"Tenth, you going to get married to the love of your life. You've been waiting for this."

"Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't so nervous. I guess, I never thought she'd actually accept."

Shy and hesitant as always, some things just never change.

"Why wouldn't she? You're a great guy."

You weren't lying and he's looking at you as if you are. It was okay, you got used to it over the years. After all, when it came to sheer humility, your boss undeniably ranks in first.

"Thanks."

He's finally smiling and you heart crumbles just a bit more while your defenses lessen leaving you open and exposed.

"Tenth?"

"Yes, Gokudera-kun?"

You didn't give a chance to utter anymore unnecessary words as you grabbed his shoulders firmly and gave him your first and final kiss.

Soft and a little dry, your own personal ticket to Nirvana.

He was beet red and stuttering, clearly confused and lost.

"Relax. It's just a good luck kiss, nothing more."

It wasn't a lie, nor was it the complete truth.

Over the years, you've managed to find a few loop holes upon his intuition.

You smile at him, soft and gentle. The change took him by surprise as a small chuckle escaped from your lips.

"Tenth, it's time."

The words spoken meant more to you than him and he could only nod as he followed you out of the room.

_It's time to let you go._

Your eyes meet once more, for a second you almost hoped that he'd kiss you back without half truth excuses to fall back on.

_Don't kid yourself._

"Thank you Gokudera-kun." His smile was bright and lovely as always, but somehow you wish it to appear more special, a smile only meant for you and no one else.

"No need Tenth."

A bow before the exit.

Upon the ringing of church bells, you silently stood while your heart crumbles into a dusty heap.

* * *

><p><em>You should be happy.<em> You've been repeating the words like a broken record player for hours and it still doesn't help you one bit. You're still broken and empty. Nothing but the heavy spell of booze to fill and numb the wound of heartbreak, amidst the glitz and glamour of the lively reception, the Italian night never felt so cold.

"My, aren't you enjoying yourself."

You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand as you heard that all too familiar voice.

"Byakuran."

It was more of a growl than a greeting and somehow, you didn't bother rephrasing it.

Allies or not, you still don't like him.

"What are you doing here out all alone, Hayato-chan?"

"Mind you fucking business, marshmallow-freak!" you snap at him, eyes blazing and pissed, he merely smirked with amusement as he dared to breach the limits of personal space.

"How mean, and here I thought you'd like some company. After all, it's not every day the one you love gets married." You swore, you could almost see the pure sadistic gleam in his eyes as you back away determined to keep that space between you from blurring out just because you're a little too drunk to mind how he was near enough to whisper into your ear.

"Come now, I'm not going to hurt you." He was smiling and your internal alarms went off like crazy.

"Like hell I will!" you snap once more, your body, taunt and defensive, the last thing you need is allowing some demented freak get to you.

"Why not, it's not like you're taken. In fact, when did you ever mind the added attention?" The words were enough to wound you, leaving you stiff and in shock.

_So much for privacy._

"That doesn't give you the right." You internally winced at the lack of bite in your words.

The alcohol was doing its work.

"You know, one kiss wouldn't hurt you more than it did when you gave him that so-called good luck kiss. You know, for one with strong intuition, Tsunayoshi-kun is awfully dense when it came to you."

_Is nothing ever a secret anymore?_

_When it comes to the Mafia?_ A lone thought echoed in a reply.

_Don't bet on it. _

"Just leave me alone, Byakuran." The white boss did not miss your resigned tone.

Your defenses are wearing thin.

"Why should I when you're obviously begging for some company?" he smirked at you as his eyes shined with undisguised hunger.

"Why me? There are a lot of sick idiots getting in line to be fucked. Why me?" It was your last card of reason and you both knew it.

You're getting tired and you're basically bleeding your heart out.

The fact that you're still downing the bottle of vodka like there's no tomorrow isn't helping your decision making skills either.

It was the moment of weakness he was waiting for and you don't even give a damn if you're showing it off anymore.

"Because, you look so damn delicious when you're on the verge of breaking into beautiful shattered pieces," he answered honestly and you didn't even mind the insanity of his words because you were really in the process of breaking into pieces.

"Are you going to do it for me?" your voice was suddenly rough as the air around you grew heavy and dark.

"That and more my little Falcon," he purred as he leaned in, ready to capture his prey.

* * *

><p>Swift and unexpected, the blade cut through the tiny space between you like a thin ray of silver moonlight.<p>

_Saved by the Bel._ The words never sounded so ironic and just plain surreal.

A brief wave of killing intent filled the air only to disappear and blend into the foggy night.

"Ushishishi… Your boss is looking for you, peasant." He was wearing that Cheshire grin and couldn't help but grin back only with a more feral tone.

"Is that so," you had the sinking feeling he was lying and he was just saving your ass from one of the biggest fuck ups in history.

"You better not make him wait," he sneered as he disappeared into the night, leaving you with a clearer head and a probably pissed off lunatic.

_You better not make me wait. _

You got the message loud and clear.

"I don't suppose we could continue where we left off." The tone was light, none of the much expected sliver of hope, he just got a bump up in your book but not that much.

You still don't like him.

"The Tenth's expecting me."

"We both know it was a lie, Hayato-chan."

"And if it wasn't."

"Then, I suggest you go now before I decide to start where we left off."

He was being generous and what's left of your sober head was telling you to scram because he wasn't kidding about the part where he just might change his mind.

You couldn't even reach the entrance before you found yourself encased in thin wires and knives just along the hidden parts of the garden.

"And here I thought you decided to leave me hanging, it's not polite to make a prince wait, princess."

"Do I look like a girl to you?"

"No, but I might fuck you like one." Simple and to the point, it was right there and then you realized you don't have much of a choice here unless you want to find yourself cut up of like morning sausage.

"Che, why don't you just get on with it," it was clear challenge and you just want to get this over with already.

You wonder if anybody else knew of the bloody psycho's affection towards a certain young illusionist.

An illusionist who was clearly off the market considering he was the pineapple's little protégée.

_In short, his property._

"Fine, but I like to play rough. Got it?" the air was getting a bit too dark and heavy for comfort, you can't move and you're literally bleeding this time.

_Maybe the lunatic isn't that bad of a choice…_ you mentally trailed off as you started weighing the pros and cons of the situation.

You ended up with the sick realization that you traded the lunatic for a psycho, and in your book, it pretty much meant the same way no matter how you twist it.

"Don't worry, you're going to enjoy this."

Somehow, you could even fool yourself to believe even that.

You didn't even manage a clear retort because you found yourself in a kiss.

Hard and deep.

Nothing but hunger and lust, he ravaged you without mercy.

"You're mine." You were both breathless and you still managed a gasp when he bit down your neck hard enough to mark and break flesh.

You won't lie.

It wasn't that bad.

Though you would have preferred something less painful and constricting, you can't deny the moans of pleasure that escaped your lips as you and he came together.

Each with a different name than it should have been.

Each with a piece of love unrequited.

"Feel better, psycho brat?"

A pause, a second of hesitation and vulnerability is all he could risk.

"Nope, how 'bout you peasant, feel better after a good fuck?"

The only replied you gave was a string of broken laughter.

It was enough.

"This never happened." He beat you to the punch, as he turned to fix himself while you lit a cigar waiting for him to finish.

"What never happen?" you ask in retort, a secret for a secret, a fuck for a fuck. It was an even trade.

He grins at you and you grin back.

Both of you know, some wounds would never heal as they should.

You won't be broken forever but you're not going to be fixed like magic either.

* * *

><p>It was official, you have a magnet for crazies attached to you or something because there's a demented pineapple smiling at like you're his next dessert.<p>

"What? You wanna be my pillow of comfort too? Don't you already have that kid to play with?" you snap at him, vicious and angry while you glare at him.

"Kufufu… not quite but close enough. Besides, Fran's indisposed at the moment."

You didn't even want to _know_ what that of his leer meant.

"Che, look I know I may not be in the sanest state of mind here but I'm not crazy or stupid enough to fuck with you."

"No fair, you had no qualms with Byakuran and Bel," he pouted making one of your eyebrows twitch in annoyance.

"I didn't even get to first base with the marshmallow freak! And as for the psycho, it was a mutual exchange. What do you have to offer?"

"Oh, so you're still open for negotiations then."

You really wanted to bite your tongue and die at the moment.

"No," you protest as you found yourself suddenly transport into a room you do not recognize.

"Why not? I'm an illusionist remember. I could weave whatever fantasies you want. Like this…" he grinned as the indigo flames coated him, revealing a whole different person altogether.

"Shit." You were about to turn and leave only you can't because chains had magically appeared on your wrists and ankles bounding you into the spot.

_Since when did I get backed against the wall?_

It was a question you'll never know the answer to.

"What? Don't tell me, you've never fantasized about me before?"

Red hair and tattoos.

The First Storm himself was before you.

"You're one sick bastard Mukuro."

"That's G to you for now, Hayato."

"Come now, just go with it and have fun for a while. It's not like you have anything to lose here." The grin looked so twisted in the man's face. There are just some things even Mukuro can't pull off.

"I said no. And would you quit with that thing, it give me the creeps."

"Why?" he crossed the distance between you quicker than you could blink.

"Because – "

You didn't get to finish as you felt him tease you through your pants.

A moan.

A gasp.

A shudder.

You're still sensitive and he's taking full advantage of it.

"You seem to like it though. Sure, you don't want this, Hayato?"

"S-Stop…"you gasp out, only to moan out even louder as he mouthed one of your nipples.

_When did he take off my shirt?_

"You mean don't stop right? Your body betrays you far too well."

"You're not him," you said through gritted teeth as you met those intense ruby eyes.

"No, I suppose I'm not."

A hiss.

A grimace.

You were faced to face with the wall before you could blink let alone struggle.

He was already preparing you and it wasn't all that gentle.

But you couldn't help it, your hips bucked into his hand, seeking pleasure and more.

The sensations were driving you crazy, leaving you with nothing but lust addled senses.

"Fine. One night. Just – Just – "

"Just what?" he teased once more, massaging that spot while driving you to the point of sheer madness.

A moan.

Hunger and lust.

Your eyes glinted like never before.

"Just this once, Hayato. Let it go."

That was all you needed.

You forgot and allowed yourself this pithy escape.

Pain and pleasure.

They mix to the addicting concoction of sheer ecstasy.

The illusion of the first Storm was long gone as was your sanity and control.

Animalistic and pure want invaded and captured you.

"That's right. Let go and be mine," he whispered, possessive and cruel, he plunged in deeper drowning you until there's nothing left but a beast of lust and desire.

"More," you gasp out as your fingers curl against the rough cold wall you're being pushed against.

More of the shadows and illusions.

More of that delicious cold numbness that has coated your heart.

"Tell me, you're mine and I'll give you paradise. Give yourself to me and you'll never feel pain again."

"I – "

You never got to finish, climax has claimed you too fast and too strong.

"Say it. Say that you're mine," he hissed against your ears, grabbing a fistful of your hair.

The spike of pain made you gasp out another moan.

"So lewd. Come now my silver beauty, two words and I'll give you more than pleasure," he purred as he began to play with your front once more placing you at the edge of release.

Never enough.

But just right to bring you begging like a bitch in heat.

"I'm y – "

A bang and a heavy dose of killing aura filled the air making you snap out of it and turn towards the looming figure at the door.

"H-Hibari?"

You blinked in utter shock and somehow, the dark Cloud seeing you in such a state made you want to hide in a very deep hole and stay there.

"Mukuro Rokudo," he growled out as his killer aura rose in waves filling the room to the point of suffocation.

He was ignoring you and it wasn't much of a surprise when he launched an all out attack towards the pineapple illusionist.

They _never_ got along well.

The night pretty much ended with you trying to stop them from killing each other and with the mood thoroughly ruin by a certain Skylark, you resigned yourself to marking that certain night as one of the craziest ones yet.

After all, it's not always you get fucked twice in one night by two different people and it's not always you get to wear the crazy magnet that seem to attract more trouble than you could handle. It's not always you get your heart broken and for a moment forget that you even had one.

Over all, if you compare it to the many other nights where you were alone and bleeding at the side of the street when you were a kid, it wasn't that bad.

* * *

><p>It's been almost a week since that night and somehow you found yourself sinking deeper into the shadows of depression and self-pity. It was an expected response but the fact that you can't help it leaves you feeling all the more weak and pitiful.<p>

"Hey, Gokudera!" you stiffened at the voice, there was only one person in Vongola that was stupid enough to speak so lightly to you and he was known as Yamamoto Takeshi.

"What do you want? I'm busy here," you bristled, also an expected response, but you did not miss how pain managed to creep a bit into those dark depths making you almost repentant.

_Almost. _

"I'm just checking in on you. You look really stressed," he replied in that matter-of-fact tone that seems to have the magical power to annoy you to bits.

"Pretty much stating the obvious idiot, I have to manage the Family while the Tenth's on his honeymoon. God knows he deserves a bit of rest," you broke eye contact, hiding yourself in the act of organizing some files as you feel his gaze burn against your back.

"We're getting worried. Ever since the wedding, you've been holing yourself up in this room. When's the last time you had a meal outside this office?"

_I can't remember._

"That is none of your business!"

"I make it my business! You're my friend!"

"I didn't ask to be your friend so why don't you just go back to that stupid woman and leave me the fuck alone."

"Haru is not stupid! Gokudera, I know you – "

"Don't! Just don't!" you stopped him before those words spilled along with what's left of your composure.

A shuddering sigh escaped you, you eyes met once more and you saw the very reason why he was worried reflected back to you.

You basically looked haggard.

Your hair was uncombed.

Your tie was askew.

The bags under your eyes were huge.

Your shirt was creased and stained with drops of coffee.

_I look like something Uri dragged in._ You noted your reflection cast against his dark eyes.

"Gokudera."

"I just want to be alone while I can be. Please, Yamamoto. Just this once, leave me alone," you were practically begging with the tone you're using and somehow the fact that you were met with nothing but silence made your heart hammer against your chest.

_Please._

A small part of you still hopes for some company and comfort.

It was a part you've decided to bury with work and spiked coffee.

"Okay, but only until Tsuna comes back, if you're not – "

"I get it. So do you mind?"

He said nothing as he left, nothing but the low thud of the closing door signaled his exit.

Just like you wanted, you were alone once more.

* * *

><p>"You really should eat something."<p>

"Shit!" you stood up swearing as you tried to quell the rushing beats of your heart while shooting daggers that the man before you.

"Ever heard of knocking you bastard? You almost gave me a heart attack!" you growl as his stoic face revealed nothing but keen observance.

"If that is all that's going to take to finish you off, you're nothing but a weak herbivore."

"Whatever, what do you want?" you ignored the insult, after all, only a few managed to snag a title of carnivore in Hibari's book and even you can't deny his prowess when it came to combat.

He said nothing as he continued to look at you like some new specimen in a laboratory.

Curiosity and interest.

The unwanted memory of that night surfaced.

It made you squirm in your seat.

"You should sleep too."

"Oh, this is rich! Do I really look that pathetic that even you of all people decided to show some concern. Thanks but no thanks. I don't need your pity!" you snarled at him while your gaze sharpened, challenging him to deny such claims.

"Actually, yes. You look like something the cat dragged in. I expected more from you."

_Blunt and brutal as always._

"What did you expect then?"

No answer came so you decided to continue your verbal onslaught.

"Did you expect me to prance around like an idiot? Did you expect me to put on a smile and laugh? Did you expect me to fool myself and pretend that I didn't get my heart broken that night? Answer me, you sadistic despot!"

"No answer? I bet it's so easy for you. You never fell in love. You never had to just stand back and watch the one you love confess that he loves another. You never had to watch him get married while you are the best man. I'm not you! I'm not some unfeeling machine that can compartmentalize the things he wants and does not want!"

The anger was overflowing within you, the feelings blending into something dark and violent as you gritted your teeth ready to fight.

"You're right. You're not me. I'm not some fool who blatantly wears his heart on a sleeve. I'm not some weak-hearted herbivore that would go into recluse once he finds himself hurt. I – "

"You're what?"

"Listen, if you're here for something useful then I'll be glad if you get to the point and get what you want. If you're to give me, some crap advice on how I should live my life, get the hell out of my office."

You're voice was strangely level, the rage was simmering at the edges and for some reason you were able to hold back from lashing out on this unwelcomed visitor.

An all too familiar silence met you once more.

It grated on your frayed nerves making even more irritable that you decided to snap and get this over with.

"Get out, now," the growl vibrated in your throat as your eyes narrow intently watching for any signs of attack the man might do.

His eyes narrowed in turn, he was staying.

"What do you want? Can't a guy wallow in his own misery without someone trying make him feel better?"

"Doesn't that mean they care enough to make an effort?"

The question perturbed you, startling you as you momentarily forget the bubbling rage within you.

"You care about me?" you countered as judging by the way he looked away, you hit the target dead on.

"Don't ask such unnecessary questions."

It wasn't a denial and that truth alone left you in shock.

_Now fucking way. _

"Is it that surprising? For me to care?"

"This, coming from the guy who hates crowding and people in general? Pretty much."

"I'm not an unfeeling machine like you claim me to be. I can be human," he shrugged as if he wasn't admitting to being capable of making mistakes and be controlled by one's own personal passions of the heart.

"So you choose not to be?" you asked casually, your eyes growing analytical and bright once more as you leaned back against the wall in observance.

_You got my attention. _

"Is it not easier? From what I see, emotions can be so troublesome," he countered mirroring your actions as he waited for your reply this time.

"They are," you admit, only to catch yourself wanting to add little more.

"But, they can be useful. After all, you need emotions to feel happiness," you add as you move to sit and rest upon your chair.

_To feel comfort._

_To feel security._

_To feel love. _

Basically everything you've been deprived of and wanting still.

"They're also required for hate. There are always two sides on one thing," he said as he moved towards you, closing the distance and within arms' reach.

"How poetic of you," you sneered.

He said nothing. He was only watching you with those icy depths, making you internally suppressed a shiver from breaking.

He moved around the table.

The distance disappearing by the inches.

"You still haven't answered my question, Hibari. Why are you here?"

No sooner had the words left you, you found yourself pulled against him, encased in a warm embrace.

The seconds tick, shock held you by its cold clutches for at least five seconds.

_Five increasingly uncomfortable seconds._

"What the hell?" you struggled against his embrace, only for him to hold you tighter.

"Shh… It's okay."

The tone of his words was foreign, never had you heard him speak with such gentleness.

"The hell it is! Let go of me!"

He was being too warm.

Too gentle.

Too damn nice.

"It's okay to cry you know. We all have our moments of weakness."

The words made you stiffen in realization.

_Cry? Why do I need to cry? _

"I'm not some child that needs such stupid things. Let go of me."

He said nothing as he held on to you tighter.

A memory slips in.

The wedding.

The all too familiar exchange of vows and cheers.

The kiss.

They kept on coming filling you as they force to you to walk down memory lane.

"Let go! Damn you, let – "

The tears spilled without warning, stopping the words as your heart tightened painfully in your chest.

You're crying for the first time in ages.

You stayed like that, silent tears spilled uncontrollably as you found yourself gripping unto his shirt tighter as a wave of bitter nostalgia hit you, pushing your soul into the depths of dark abandon.

He said nothing as you began letting out broken sobs.

He said nothing as you allowed yourself to finally break down and burn.

He said nothing as you said _his_ name in one last final whisper before darkness claimed you.

* * *

><p>You woke up in your room, stripped to your boxers and completely confused.<p>

_How did I get here? _You wondered trying to recall the events that played that night.

You did not like the memory that came in response.

"You should rest," the voice startled you once more and you found yourself locking eyes with the dark Cloud himself.

"Like hell I am, I still have work to do," you snap as you stood up and began rummaging into your closet.

"It's all taken care of. Vongola wouldn't be the most powerful Family if it can't last one day without supervision," he pointed out lazily actually managing to halt your actions.

_He had a point._

"What are doing in my room?"

A shift of topic and straight to the point, you wait for his reply.

"Looking after you," he answered plainly making you feel a slight blush rushing to your cheeks.

"I don't need – "

"You're going to rest the whole day and that is final," he cut you off before you could even muster a retort.

"So you're going to imprison me in my own room? What is this house arrest?"

"I'd prefer forceful recuperation. But that works too."

"You – "

"Swear all you want. You're not getting out of this room."

The verdict was final, you're not going anywhere.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Didn't I make myself clear last night?"

"That you care?" you stared at him incredulously as he reacted with a mere raise of a brow as if saying 'isn't it obvious'.

"Why?"

It was a valid question. The guy never cared for anything other than his own territory.

"I honestly don't know."

"You don't know," you deadpanned at him, as he shrugged his simple nonchalance as if it was one of the most reasonable answers in the world.

"Did Yamamoto put you up to this?" you accused.

"No," the tell tale growl and the way those blue gray depths glinted made you stiffen.

_Okay, so it wasn't Yamamoto._

_This is weird. He wouldn't be this nice unless he wants something and – _

_Oh, crap!_

You did not like that conclusion at all.

"Mukuro, is that you?"

He moved faster than you could blink, you soon found yourself pinned to the bed with his aura getting darker with rage. His eyes turned icy hard as they glinted with untold emotions in the threat of overflowing above the edges.

"What did you say?" he seethed, it was the first time he showed any inclination of anger towards you since last night and the intensity surprised you.

True, he was never a fan of the illusionist, but you never expected such rage at the mere notion of him being mistaken for the illusionist made him look more animal than man.

"You can't blame me. You're not the type to comfort, Hibari," you reply as you met his gaze head on.

This was a HIbari you could handle, the strange gentle nice one is simple out of your jurisdiction and expertise. s

"So you go straight towards the conclusion that I could be _him_ of all people?" he growled at you, his grip upon your wrists tightening with the force that would leave a bruise after.

You say nothing.

He was far too close and even you could not mistake the brief flash of hurt upon those icy depths.

"Would you have preferred him instead?"

"What?"

"Would you rather have him here instead of me?"

"Of course not! That guy's crazy!"

_You're a bit demented too, but you're better than him._

_I guess. _

"Then why did you sleep with him?"

"I sleep with a lot of people."

He stiffened at the words and you suddenly want to smack yourself for saying something so stupid.

"So anyone would do as long as they satisfy you?" he questioned in a dark tone that made adrenaline spike through your system.

"Satisfy? No. Forget? Maybe."

"Is that why you've decidedly slept with two men in a row that night? Because they made you forget?" his tone was stiff and jagged as broken glass.

"Not necessarily," you trailed off, trying to find a proper answer without making yourself look like a needy whore.

"When what is it that you look for?"

"To pretend," the answer caught you both by surprised as you both pause, your thoughts unspoken and waiting to be released.

* * *

><p>Pretend.<p>

The word lingered with a bitter aftertaste in your tongue as you contemplate the meaning and weight of the word.

_It fits the situation well._

Pretend you're fine.

Pretend everything will land perfectly in place.

Pretend you're not reduced to becoming nothing but an empty shell, hollow and frail.

Pretend you never had a heart to begin with, making you immune to heartbreak altogether because you can't break what's no longer there.

"Is that it? To pretend?" he broke through your silent musings and you dare not meet his eyes for they'll see the truth.

You're not as strong nor are you as brave as you claim and appear to be.

You have nothing left but pride and will and even that has been reduced to a diminutive amount that you often find yourself asking why in the world do you bother to preserve it.

"Pathetic isn't? Did I just got myself a few notches lower on your food chain?" a bitter chuckled escaped your lips as you refused to meet his gaze.

He said nothing, but you could feel his gaze on you, like a predator patiently waiting for its prey.

_Say something. Anything! _The silence was killing you. With every second that passed something in you would churn with discomfort.

"Hibari," you didn't get to finish, his grip on you tightened and you found yourself being washed away by his kiss.

His hot passionate kiss, that seemed to sear into your very soul and mark you as his own while you struggled against the current to regain yourself.

You lost.

He broke the kiss, both of panting and hot. Your breaths mingled, intoxicating and strangely comforting.

"Then, is it okay, if you pretend only to me?" his voice was rough, yet you did not miss the vulnerability in his voice.

"Huh?" you blinked in confusion as your lust addled brain tried to process the meaning of his words.

"Is it okay, if you pretend only to me," he said once more, his tone steadier than the last while you still looked confused and misplaced.

"I'm fine with it. I don't care. Just don't go pretending on every man that comes your way. Pretend only to me."

"What do you mean? Are you saying it's okay if I use you as a substitute for – " your throat closed up that mere thought of him, the wound was still fresh as ever.

"Yes. So don't give anymore of yourself."

"Hibari, please tell me this is a joke," you whispered out, almost afraid of the words to come.

"Do I ever joke?" he countered in a challenging tone that made everything worse.

_No. _

"I'm going to ask you what I asked Byakuran that night. Why me?"

His jaw was tight and you could tell he was struggling for a proper answer.

"You were wrong."

"Huh?"

"You were wrong about me. For years my heart crumbled as I've watched someone I care for love another. For years, I've watched him _pretend_ with other men but not me. I stood back and watch him break his heart. I know the pain of a broken heart."

_He_ was confessing to _you_.

_Him_ of all people.

_Did I miss something here?_

"Why me, Hibari?"

_Why not Dino?_

_Why not the Tenth?_

_Why me? Of all people, why did you have to pick the temperamental one with major issues?_

"I honestly don't know," you felt his grip on you slack and you soon found yourself sitting up while he stood back unable to meet your gaze.

"It would hurt you. If I cry out his name instead of your, would you let it slide. If I see him instead of you every time we do it, would it be okay for you?"

"Like I said, I don't care."

"Then you should! Why the hell did you think I prefer one night stands? Those guys don't give a shit about me except a good fuck. You – You care. You _actually_ care so if you think I'm going to this with you, you're crazy."

"It's better to be hurt being with you than be hurt seeing you with random people. That night, you almost agreed to be his right?"

"How – "

"He enjoys flaunting his conquests. Especially since he knows how I feel about you."

"Hayato – "

"No. We are not going to do this Hibari!"

There was cruel finality in your statement and he could do nothing but nod at your decision.

The door closed, your hand clenched as it fought the desire to hold and stop.

_Bastard, it would've been easier if you kept your mouth shut._

* * *

><p>You braced yourself, it's been a little less than a month since that fateful night of confessions and you couldn't help but feel your heart rate escalate a bit too fast and you palm moisten as you approach his threshold.<p>

"Gokudera-san," Kusakabe greeted him with a small bow, he already knows his purpose and did not bother him unnecessary questions.

"He's in the garden. But he may not like to be disturbed at this time," the warning was clear, it was a warning he should heed but decidedly ignored.

"When does he ever?" your tone was a bit testy and the man could not utter a retort of defense for it was already a known fact.

"I shall show you the way," he said with a bow as you made your way towards the Cloud's location.

"Kyou-san, there's – "

"Tell them no. I would like to be alone," he didn't even allow Kusakabe to finish, his tone was sharp and there would be hell to pay if he doesn't get what he had ordered.

Kusakabe looked at you, muttering an apology and telling you to choose another time to talk to the reclusive Cloud.

You looked at him and signaled him to leave you to your own devices.

He wanted to protest but you cut him off with a glare telling him you know what you're doing and you're prepared to meet the consequence they may pose.

You're stubborn and he knows you enough to leave you alone to deal with his boss.

This wasn't the first time you went in there and demanded his cooperation and presence.

_And it's not going to be the last._

You watch him leave, only then when you've heard the gentle slide of the door of exit did you open the one leading to the garden.

"I thought – "

"Yeah, I don't take to your orders that well, Hibari," you said as you casually entered deeper into his territory.

"What are you doing here?" his eyes narrowed, you could almost see the imaginary walls forming in defense.

"The Family's been worried. You're basically turning into hermit staying here all alone for weeks."

"Why would you care?"

"Is it a bad thing to care?" you countered as the words made him pause, he obviously didn't expect that from you of all people.

"That depends on the person. Why are you here?"

"To check on you. See if you're not suffering from some deadly illness or something," you shrugged in mock nonchalance, his cool gaze unnerved you the moment your eyes met.

"As you can see, I'm fine."

"True, and here I thought I could treat you to some nice home-cooked dinner," you sigh as you silently hope that he didn't notice the nervousness in your tone.

"I already have Kusakabe to cook for me. You may leave the bento but I'm not going to assure you I'll take a bite."

"Ouch, that's pretty harsh."

"You act as if you're the one who cooked it," he snorted as he redirected his gaze towards the afternoon sky.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing."

Another pause, his gaze sharpening as you desperately fought the blush rushing to your cheeks.

The seconds passed so painfully slow as you heart raced into an unfamiliar rhythm.

He smirked.

Your heart skipped a few beats.

"Hayato, did you really cook for me?" the tone was different now, it was light and almost happy.

The amusement in his voice didn't escape you either.

"S-Since when did I allow you to use my name so casually?" you didn't even want to answer that, it was supposed to be a simple peace offering and now, the guy is taking it far too differently.

"You can call me Kyouya, if you want," he was grinning now, probably amused at the way your cheeks heated up at the comment.

"Hibari."

"I know, it's a mere peace offering. Are you here to see my crumbling heart?"

"No, I was worried," you confided, briefly wonder if you really should go on with your plans.

"So how are you?"

"Huh?" you exclaimed, obviously startled by his question.

"Is your heart mending or is it as broken as the day of the wedding?"

"It's mending," you answered with a tired tone denoting the path towards healing wasn't that an easy one to take.

"Good."

For one second you almost mistook a smile lacing his lips.

The moments go by, nothing but the calm silence of winds chimes and the bamboo fountain's flowing rhythm.

"If you have nothing to say, please go," he finally said as he stood to take his own leave.

"Hibari, wait," you called out, reaching out as you caught unto his wrist.

"What?"

He stopped as you clenched at your grip a bit tighter than you should.

"I-I don't want to pretend with you."

"Yes, you made that quite clear a few weeks ago, thank you very much."

You winced at his bitter tone, you hurt him and it would take more than a few weeks to mend the damage you've wrought.

You hands turned clammy.

You heart drummed against your chest threatening to explode.

"I can't forget him," you confessed as you held on, hoping that he'd hear you out.

"I know that," his tone was sharp and cold, his patience was running thin as was his pain tolerance.

"I may not even stop loving him."

"If you're here to finish the job of – "

"But! But. I do want to start moving on. And I think, it's best if I could do it with you," you're practically beet red as the statement left your lips.

"Are you serious?" his eyes were wide, hints of hope and an indescribable light were found shimmering in those grayish blue depths.

"Of course, I am! I don't joke about these things! I don't want pretensions you stupid bastard! I want the real thing!" you snapped, you face still red, your heart still beating like crazy.

_Oh, crap!_

_I did not just say that._

_I did not just lay my heart out like that._

"I refuse."

For a moment, you just felt a heavy weigh fall upon you.

It was almost akin to having your heart broken twice.

"Oh, I see. Then I – "

You let go, trailing off as you too stood to leave as well.

_I guess, I'm too late._

"I refuse," he said once more, it was he who's holding on to you this time.

"I refuse to be just your start. I want to be your finish as well," he continued and you can't help but mentally comment just how fucking corny that line was.

"I'm not going to let you go. Not now, not ever."

"Aren't a bit too sure about this? I mean, you could get tired of me," you countered, slightly backing away as he began to tighten his hold.

"Gokudera Hayato, I'm sure," he practically purred as he pulled you closer.

"I can really be an ass you know," you stated as your eyes meet.

A clash of jade and ice.

"So am I, so you just have to deal with that too," he smirked.

"I have long rap sheet as well," you added rather darkly as the words froze him.

"I'll deal with them."

You could practically feel the hints of killing intent radiating at every syllable.

"Hibari Kyouya, do you have any idea how much trouble you're going to get?"

"Oh, I know. But I don't come without baggage either. Can you deal with that?"

"Che, if you can handle me, I can sure as hell handle you," you grin and perhaps actually smiled at him.

"It's a deal then. Allow me to seal with a kiss," you mirrored your expression as he closed the remaining distance and engulfed you into a fiery kiss.

**-END-**

**A/N: **Okay, it's almost two in the morning and I really should be sleeping now, but my sleep pattern is practically messed up so what the hell. This is for **Anello di Tempesta**, I hope you like it. I never thought of doing an ALL59, so please tell me I how did. Her request went like this: **an ALL59 story? (like 5927,1859,6959,B59,G59-not giotto :))-,10059) I don't really care about the plot. As long as I get to see all the pairings~ I hope you don't mind ^^ (oh and an eventual...1859/2759...I'm not sure..XD)**… I'm not used to writing some of these characters that much except from Gokudera so forgive any possible OCness any of the might show as well as grammar mistakes. Um… yeah, G didn't really appear here but it's the closest thing I could get without messing up the plot I wanted. Anyways, thank you for reading and please review. ^-^

**P.S. **I don't own KHR. It is a fact, I have long accepted.


End file.
